I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
