Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
