when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
