he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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