This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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