i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
