Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
