Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
