Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
