But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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