Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MIDGETS
????
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
