If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
