Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
