I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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