i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
