Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
