Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
