I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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