halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
