Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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