after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
