the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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