she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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