So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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