She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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