I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
