You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
