I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
