my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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