Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well you can't waste a boner
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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