Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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