He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
