I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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