Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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