Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
