Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
