Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
