Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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