just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
