Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
