Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you didnt know i had herpes?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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