Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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