Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize