Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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