great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
