when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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