He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
