Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
