so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
