DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
