so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
