R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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