I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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