Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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