Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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