Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need water and some morals
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
