yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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