I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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