I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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