This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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