i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
