I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
