just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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