dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
