We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
