your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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