I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
