While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
