Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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