She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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