I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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