she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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