I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
