Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
