i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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