If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
