i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
