i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
