Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
