Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
