I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
