yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize