he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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