And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
