Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i've created a new STD.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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