So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
