I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
