problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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