just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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