Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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