started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
