you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
