Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
