So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
