So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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