I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
