I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
