Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Two words: blizzard sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
