You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
