I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize