I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
