I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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