I'm really into asian looking animals
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
