that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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