16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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