i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
