So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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