My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
