Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
