Life is so much better after having sex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
