she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize